Does it seem like your teenage daughter isn’t interested in talking to you? Maybe she frequently gives you one-word answers. Or maybe she’s always using her phone when you’re trying to have a conversation with her. If this sounds familiar, then this video is for you. I’m going to share with you practical and proven tips to help you get through to your teenage daughter.
Tip 1 Lecture less and listen more:
Let’s start with tip number one. Lecture less and listen more. Teenage girls are navigating a wide range of challenges. These can include identity crises, friendship-related drama, and body image issues, just to name a few.
Your daughter almost definitely feels insecure about herself in certain ways, so if you frequently lecture her, she won’t respond well. Instead, try to find ways to actively engage with her.
Active listening is crucial. This isn’t just about listening to what she has to say. It’s about taking the time to understand her underlying emotions and thoughts. If it seems like your daughter is going through a tough time, try asking questions, as,
“Is there anything I can do to help you feel better?”
Or, “How can I support you in this situation?”
These questions show that you’re concerned about her wellbeing. They also encourage open communication without her feeling like you’re judging her.
Being fully present is another key aspect of active listening. This means putting aside all distractions and giving her your complete attention. By shifting from being a lecturer to a listener, you’ll gain her trust and foster a deeper connection with her.
Tip 2 Tell her what you appreciate about her.
Now, let’s talk about tip number two. Tell her what you appreciate about her. As we talked about earlier, most teenage girls struggle with self-esteem issues. so periodically, take the time to express what you admire and appreciate about your daughter.
This could include qualities she possesses, like kindness, patience, or passion. If she does things around the house, like setting the table or walking the dog, let her know that you appreciate it. When you do this, she’ll be reminded that she’s valued
for who she is and for the role she plays in the family. When she feels appreciated and loved, ,it’s only natural that she’ll communicate with you more.
Tip 3 Don’t allow things to escalate
Tip number three, don’t allow things to escalate. When you talk to your daughter about her attitude or behavior that concerns you, emotions can run high. It’s essential to prevent these conversations from turning into arguments.
When the tension starts to rise, try saying something like this.
“I need some time to think about this,”
Let’s talk about this later, please.
“I need a bit of space to calm down.”
This approach helps to prevent the situation from getting out of control.
This is important because the more arguments and shouting matches you have with your daughter, the more strained the relationship will become. This will make it even harder to get through to her, so it’s always a good idea to have problem-solving discussions when both of you and her are calm.
At the end of the day, the objective isn’t to avoid conflicts entirely. that would be unrealistic. Instead, the goal is to resolve conflicts healthily. After all, conflicts are opportunities for growth, so make the most of these opportunities to build a relationship with your daughter.
Tip 4 empathize with her when she complains.
Tip number four, empathize with her when she complains. Does your teenage daughter complain about things, like school, homework or her teachers? If so, it might be tempting to give her a lecture about fulfilling her responsibilities.
You might even be tempted to say to her, “Well, that’s life.” Another approach you might take is to jump into problem-solving mode, but this doesn’t work either.
When your daughter complains, this is when she needs your empathy the most.
This is true, even if you think she’s behaving with a sense of entitlement. You don’t have to agree with her point of view to empathize with her. If you take the time to listen to her perspective, she’ll feel understood.
It’s important to remember that your daughter won’t change her attitude and behavior when she understands why she should change. she’ll change when she feels understood, so acknowledge your daughter’s emotions by saying something like, “That sounds really challenging,” or, “I can see why you’re so angry about this.”
Using phrases like these shows her that you’re trying to step into her shoes. This fosters trust and gives you a chance to gently guide her toward processing her emotions
in a healthy way.
Tip 5 Be Open with Her
Tip number five, be open with her. Teenage girls often view their parents primarily as authority figures. This means that they might already feel as if there’s some relational distance between them and their parents.
What can you do to bridge this gap? You can share your feelings with your daughter.
For example, if you miss spending time with her, you can express that sentiment
by saying something like this.
“I miss how we used to spend more time together.”
“It would be nice if we went out for dinner sometime,”
“just the two of us.”
Your daughter will appreciate the fact that you dared to be vulnerable. Occasionally, you can also tell her about some of the challenges and frustrations you’re facing. Maybe your boss is unreasonable, or maybe you’ve been finding it hard to achieve the right balance in life.
You could share with your daughter how you feel about these situations. You could also tell her about what you’re doing to try and overcome these challenges. When you talk to her about what’s going on in your life, she’ll start to see you as a person, not just an authority figure.
She’ll realize that you, too, have stressful situations to deal with every day. This will help her to be more understanding and to get outside her bubble of school, friends, social media, et cetera. Of course, I’m not saying you should share every detail of your life with your daughter.
Some information might be too much for her to handle, but the principle of being open with her is a good one to keep to in general. If you do, your relationship with her will gradually become stronger.
Tip 6, Talk about Things She’s Interested in
Tip number six, talk about things she’s interested in. Do your best to show a genuine interest in the things your daughter likes. Learn more about what she likes to do in her free time.
Be curious about why she finds it so fun or relaxing to create art, listen to jazz music or watch crime thrillers. If she’s open to it, try participating in the activity.
For example, if she likes a certain movie, suggest watching it together. Or if she’s interested in a particular sport, give it a try yourself and learn the basics.
Of course, all this requires an investment of time on your part, but it will open many doors to having meaningful conversations with your daughter. For instance, you could ask her questions like,
“I heard the new version of the game”
“is going to be out on Friday”
“Are you excited?”
Or, “Is the band planning to release a new album soon?”
There’s a good chance your daughter will appreciate the opportunity to talk about these things that she’s interested in. Over time, she’ll feel more comfortable opening up
about other things going on in her life.
Tip 7 (focus on specific behaviors)
Tip number seven, focus on specific behaviors instead of making general statements. This tip is useful whenever you need to address your daughter’s behavior, which is causing you concern.
If you use this approach, it will prevent misunderstandings. She’ll also be less likely to become defensive. For example, I encourage you not to say something like this.
“You’ve been using your phone too much.”
Instead, try saying something like this. I noticed that you were on your phone for three hours straight after school yesterday, “even though you had a history test to prepare for.” This type of specific observation is less likely to be perceived as accusatory by your daughter.
It shifts the focus away from what she might perceive as an attack on her character. Instead, it shifts the focus toward her actions, which can lead to a fruitful problem-solving discussion.
When she makes even a tiny effort to improve her behavior, acknowledge it, and commend her for trying to make a positive change, she’ll appreciate it and she’ll be more likely to continue trying to change. Now, you know how to communicate with your daughter more effectively.